Dear Tanya,

 

I began homeschooling my oldest daughter when she was in third grade (age 8) due to health issues. She was eventually diagnosed with Lupus so we wholeheartedly understand your struggle. Some days she was well, while others were a struggle to accomplish anything. There were days that I felt like a complete failure as a mother and I worried that she was not learning enough. As a mother, the burden to homeschool effectively while caring for the physical needs of my child was a staggering load. Let's face it, when our babies hurt, we hurt right along with them. We also live in a world that encourages guilt if we don't manage to keep up with those around us.

My first words of advice would be to take time to care for you. Even if you take 15 minutes of quiet time each morning, be sure to make time to keep yourself grounded and nourish your soul. We have found that a mandatory rest period from 2-3 PM each day gives us both time to recharge and relax. It is rare that either of us nap but we do try to do quiet, calm activities that take the focus off the struggle of the day. A side benefit is that it has also made a huge difference in my daughter's health.

I don't know the specific health issues you're dealing with, but I do know this: as a homeschooling parent, you are there to teach so much more than what is found in textbooks. You are there to guide your child through life, to teach him how to deal with relationships, how to nurture his spirit and feed his soul, how to discover what God's plan is for his life, how to make plans and accomplish goals. You are not just there to teach him math, science, and history. Use this time to work on character and life skills. Teach him how to remain gracious even when the pain is intense. Teach him to do his best every day regardless of the limitations that day brings. Teach him to maximize his good days so that the stress is less on the tough ones. Teach him that even on the days that are bad, he can accomplish some small tasks. Teach him that he is not "behind" because he is always exactly where he is meant to be. Learning how to manage his illness is a huge life lesson that will forever shape and mold the man he will be. You will be surprised in years to come how much more maturity he has than others his own age.

Give yourself permission to not worry so much about the stuff in textbooks because it will come  eventually. Read together. That brings comfort even when he is lying in bed feeling down, and it teaches so many things at the same time. Play games together.  They help take his mind off his physical struggles. Make every moment a teachable one by using daily chores and errands to teach math, science, etc. You will be amazed at how much he will learn through cooking or caring for a family pet or helping with a younger sibling. So many opportunities arise during the day-to-day job of living that can make for a wonderful education. Partner with your child daily to help him maximize his daily potential. 

Life is about seasons. Right now the season has you taking care of your sick child.  Nothing is more important than his health. The learning will come. Delaying the introduction of certain instruction will not mean he'll never learn it. Often times he will pick it up even faster when it is introduced, allowing you to work through concepts at a much quicker pace. I know this from experience. My daughter is 15 and technically a 10th grader. However, she has set a goal to graduate high school be the end of this year or the first term of next year so she can begin college. She already knows what she wants to do with her life, and she is ready to live it. Her illness taught her focus and determination; it gave her a sense of direction and a need to not waste her good days.  She uses her times so effectively that she can accomplish a heavy load of work in less time than the average student. When most kids her age will be graduating high school, she hopes to have completed her associate's degree, halfway to her bachelor's. I don't believe that she would have done this had she not become ill. We can now look on
her illness as a blessing that has given her so many gifts. We still have bad days, but
now we have the skills and maturity to deal with them with grace, compassion, and patience. 

You can do this Tanya. You can do this, and you can do it well. You have all the skills you
need within you to be successful at meeting both the educational and physical needs of your child. Have faith. A better season is ahead! He knows the plans he has for you and promises "to give you an expected end." (Jeremiah 29:11)

 

A fellow homeschool mom of a chronically ill child,

Tammy