Who We Are

There seems to be in every extended family, someone who saps all your joy and drains all your energy. And that's when you're not even around them! Just the thought of that person makes you sigh with discouragement.

I just got a phone message yesterday from that someone trying to place unwarranted guilt on me once again. I began to come up with all the things I would say to that person, but stopped in the middle of my angry thoughts. What should I do? Rather than meditate and fume, I knew I needed to "Do the Word."

In Matthew we are told to pray for those who speak all manner of evil against us. That doesn't mean the kind of prayer that says, "I hope you zap them before I blow up on them again!" It's the kind of prayer for their very souls; that God would draw them to Himself; that God would give you wisdom in dealing with them; that God would open their eyes to see Him; that God would soften your heart towards them; that God's Word would reveal to them what your words have failed to reveal to them.

What I'm talking about here is a change of focus. Rather than focusing on how much they hurt you, or how much they don't understand you, or how wrong they are, the focus changes to God. How much He loves them, how much value He places on them. He places so much value on them that He died for them as well as you. He desires their change of heart ever more than you could begin to realize.

There's a reason we are admonished to "think on those things that are pure and lovely and of a good report." There is a reason we are told to "cast our cares" on Him and to "fix our eyes" on Him. The reason is our freedom - freedom from the discouragement that could so easily swallow us up; freedom to praise God instead of ponder that other person's actions; freedom to pray for those whom no one else may be praying for; freedom to follow God's commands rather than our own emotions.

Yes, it's hard. But know this, you are not alone. We are in this together. And as the words of the song so succinctly say, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."*

Turning with you,
Deborah

* Words & Music:Hel­en H. Lem­mel

Dealing with negative family members is kind of a given when you homeschool. I mean who doesn't have an "Aunt Nelly" who at every Christmas gathering asks, "So how much longer are you going to homeschool? You certainly aren't going to do it in High school, are you?"

Now you could pray that God would take Aunt Nellie 'home' before your kids get to the high school years, fake a cold and miss the next 20 Christmases, or wear dark glasses and a fake mustache and hope she doesn't recognize you, but that would be too easy.

So Dad, this is one issue where you need to stand up and be your wife's knight in shining armor. When those challenges and questions arise from family members, you must step up to the plate and allow your wife to hide behind you. You need to be the one delivering the answers (if possible).

For example, you might need to say, "Yes, Aunt Nellie, we are still homeschooling and we'll keep doing it until we feel like it's no longer the best option for our family."

You may even need to pull your aunt, parents, or in-laws aside and say, "When you say those things, you really discourage my wife. I know you don't mean to, but you need to stop." 

That, my fellow Dad, is how you deal with negative family members.

Be Real,
Todd