By Lorrie Flem
“...and Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright...afterward...he found no place of repentance though he sought it carefully with tears" Hebrews 12: 16-17.
“Oh, that smells good!” thought Esau. Jacob’s oldest son was ravenously hungry after an exhausting day of hunting. He was sooo hungry and that fragrant, nutritious stew smelled unbelievably delicious. He wanted some.
His younger twin brother Jacob was stirring it and they struck a deal. They traded a bowl of stew for a birthright. What kind of deal was that? If Jacob was alive today he would probably be selling used cars! You can’t blame sly Jacob alone for this. Esau willingly gave away this legacy that was legally his as the oldest son. Nowhere do we read that Jacob finagled this deal. Esau was an easy sell. What was this birthright that he casually gave away for the price of a bowl of stew? Double wealth and the place of highest honor in the family lineage. Boy, he must have been VERY hungry!
Seems obviously foolish of Esau doesn’t it? Yet today many mothers commonly fling away birthrights considerably more precious than this one. The gift of mothering. This birthright is our honor by Divine right. Do we treat it callously or jealously guard it?
The job of being a Mother used to be commonly held in high regard. Nurturing a family and caring for its members was a respected responsibility and the fulfillment of girlhood dreams. The ”fruit” of a marriage was considered by most people as a "heritage of the Lord." Then the truly crafty one, Satan began to feed women a lie much bigger than the one Eve swallowed so long ago. We feel for it and our society began to look at the job of mothering as something that cost them too much.
The title housewife began to take on a feeling of something less honorable or desirable than attorney, schoolteacher, or manager. Just like Eve, women got hungry for more. More money, some prestige, more power or responsibility. Not only more of it, but the ability to spend or use it as we desired. We wanted the same freedom and prestige our husbands had. We willingly sold our birthrights for the price of a nanny, day care, or babysitter. And this was done under the auspicious title of “liberation.”
What is the result? We can see it all around us. Recently my friend, who provides in-home daycare, was relating to me how the little boy she watches birthday party went. Some of the family was less than pleased to be faced with the unnatural but obvious consequence of a working mother. This sweet little one-year-old made it clear that he preferred to be in the arms that cared for him 8 hours a day. He has bonded with my friend more than his own parents. His family recognizes that this is wrong but is unwilling to acknowledge why this has happened.
Another friend used to provide day care in her home. She shared with me how she had to stop comforting and holding the little one she watched over. His mother asked her not to. This mother didn’t like her baby crying when he had to leave my friends house and go to his own home with his own mama.
Who have these children bonded with? Who wipes the baby’s mouth as he cuts his first tooth? Who holds the toddlers hands as he takes his first faltering steps? Who is there when the children come home from school? The mother was at work when her baby first began to crawl, or the five year old needed a hug to vanish the hurt.
Mothers have always worked but today “working woman” has taken on a whole new meaning. What has it been traded for? At what cost? Now some of you had no choice. If you have to work so your children can eat that is one thing. I am thinking here of the ones who gave up their right for a pittance. Don’t give up your pot of delicious stew for a morsel of dry bread. Once squandered a birthright is gone forever.
Follow the Scent...Mark 8: 34-37; 1 Corinthians 11:3; Titus 2:1-5
The verse about a woman tearing down her own house.
DON’T BURY MY TREASURE
I have a collection of signs with witty sayings in my kitchen. One of them states, "I am rich. My children are my treasure." I sincerely believe this is true. When I look at our eight children I am sometimes overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessing the Lord has entrusted to us. I feel so honored and at the same time humbled. What an awesome responsibility Randy and I have been given.
When I was young, I remember hearing the 60s explained as young people who were trying to find themselves. When I was a young woman I read this verse through new eyes; I knew it contained the truth and that I had found myself. "It takes wisdom to have a good family, it takes understanding to make it strong. It takes knowledge to fill a home with rare and beautiful treasures" Proverbs 24:3-4.
We can "find" ourselves within the context of our own homes. A family and a home filled with treasures are the things to strive for; these are worthy goals. The goal of raising a good family is a subject that is covered in countless books. Some deal with it well and others do not. (See TEACHing Tools for my favorites.) However, the goal of filling our homes with rare and beautiful treasures is one I would like to address now.
What are rare and beautiful treasures? A crystal chandelier, an original edition volume of an old book, a hand-carved piece of antique furniture, a signed canvas by a master; each of these are rare and beautiful to someone; however, none of these are rare and beautiful treasures of the sort I am thinking. I consider my greatest treasures to be my momma’s baby quilt, a tapestry handbag that was Randy’s great-grandma’s, a note from my great-grandma written to me when I was a little girl, the shoes I wore at our wedding, and the eight pregnancy test sticks that have lines through them showing that God had blessed us again.
Stop for a moment and consider, in which of these do you think Jesus would have taken more joy? A crumpled little fistful of dandelions or a vase filled with artfully arranged exotic flowers? As we strive to be like Jesus we need to consider even the way that we furnish our homes.
This is a topic that I feel passionately about. So much so that my newest book, Welcome Home, Daddy, talks about various ways to treasure what is eternally valuable. Be sure to stop and smell the roses and treasure your treasures this winter. Our children are precious indeed!
Have you noticed how much anger there is in people today? You find it as you go out on the freeway. "Someone gets in my way? I'm going to cut him off and lean on the horn." There's this anger coming out of so many people today. Do you ever stop and think, Where does that come from? Why do kids walk into a school and pull out a gun and start blowing off people's heads? Unless we think, I have no road rage; I would never pull out a gun and do physical harm to someone, maybe you, like me, can relate to being stuck in a long line at the supermarket check-out counter and feeling that kind of internal impatience just rising up. Or you've just fallen off to sleep at night and someone thoughtlessly calls and wakes you from your sleep. There's this sense of—you're looking at me like nobody here ever gets angry. Oh, you do, too? Okay.
Where does all this come from? I believe it comes from another lie that we as women believe about ourselves, and that is "I have my rights. I have my rights." After all, our Declaration of Independence tells us we have certain inalienable rights. We all know that you've got a right to "Chicken Done Right." So from our nation's founding documents to fast-food chicken, "I've got a right" has really become the watch cry of our civilization, hasn't it?
The modern feminist movement was really birthed and has been sustained by persuading women to march and to clamor for rights--the right to vote, the right to equal educational opportunities, the right to be free from having to carry your husband's name, and the right from every other form of male domination—or so the women tell us.
We've been told—really, through all of my lifetime—that demanding our rights is our ticket to freedom, liberation, and happiness. After all, if you don't stand up for your rights, no one else will. We may not consider ourselves to be extremely rights-oriented people as some others (are) that we read about, but I'm convinced that this clinging to rights is in the air that we breathe. And that it has affected all of us much more than we realize. Now I think we all know and perhaps have experienced that standing up for our rights generally does not bring the happiness and the fulfillment that it promises.
One woman wrote me and she said, "'I have my rights' has caused many unnecessary arguments which have led to unhappiness." Another lady said, "When I stand up for my rights and demand my way, I am temporarily happy. But the pit of despair soon follows."
The problem is that when our rights are violated, and we insist on clinging to those rights—we are going to end up angry. We're going to end up in conflict. This is where conflict comes from in our families, in our churches, in our culture. We're going to end up being unstable, up and down in our emotions. Each time our rights are violated, it's going to cause us to react emotionally. Even much depression, I believe, comes out of this thing of claiming our rights.
The Old Testament introduces us to a man who was an angry man. He was angry because he claimed rights. When he felt his rights were violated, he became even angrier. His name is Jonah. You may remember that Jonah was a prophet of God. God told him to go to Nineveh, to preach God's Word. After a detour when Jonah tried to run from God, he ended up finally in Nineveh. Lo and behold, the people repented when they heard the Word. And God withdrew and withheld His judgment.
Well, Jonah was displeased. Jonah 4 tells us in verse 1 that he was greatly displeased. And he became angry. In fact, he became so angry that God would have mercy on these Ninevites, who were the enemies of Israel—he became so displeased that he asked God and begged God to take his life. He really was just having an emotional temper tantrum. Isn't that what a lot of our depression is? Many times, (we are) just emotionally torn up because we didn't get our way. I know that is how it is for me often.
Then in Jonah 4:4, the Lord says to Jonah, "Do you have any right to be angry?" Jonah refuses to answer God's question. Instead, he goes to the outskirts of the city; and he builds a temporary shelter. And he sits down to wait and see if God maybe will change His mind and destroy this city that Jonah really dislikes. Out of His love and mercy for this wayward prophet, the Scripture says in verse 6 that God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort. Jonah was very happy about the vine. He had gone from being very displeased and angry--things go his way and he gets what he wants. God smiles on him. Jonah now is exceedingly happy. Do you see how unstable we are if we're living our lives based on rights?
Verse 7 tells us that at dawn the next day, God provided a worm which chewed the vine so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind. The sun blazed on Jonah's head so that he grew faint. Once again--now he wanted to die. He said, "It would be better for me to die than to live."
But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"
Jonah said, "I do. I am angry enough to die."
Jonah is saying to God, in effect, "I have the right to control my life." He ended up angry, unstable, suicidal, and deeply depressed.
The sad thing about Jonah's story to me is that so many times it sounds a lot like my own. Oh, I may never take it to those lengths or those ends; but when something doesn't go my way, when someone at my office doesn't follow through on what I thought they were supposed to do, there is that inner uprising of "I'm angry. I didn't get my way."
How do we get off of that kind of spiritual and emotional roller coaster? According to God's Word, the truth is that we have to yield our rights. (We have to) Yield our rights to the One who ultimately holds all rights in His hand, and that is our Heavenly Father. There is no more perfect picture of how to yield our rights than what we read about the Lord Jesus in the New Testament, and particularly in the Book of Philippians, chapter two. Some of you are familiar with that passage, but let's just review how it was with Jesus.
Paul says in Philippians 2, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Watch the Savior, who held all rights, laying down His rights. The Scripture says, "He was in very nature God." He was God! "But He did not regard equality with God as something to be grasped." He yielded His rights. He took upon Him self the very nature of a servant. He was made in human likeness. He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even the death of the cross.
What happened when He laid down His rights? The Scripture goes on to say, "Therefore, God has highly exalted Him. God lifted Him up and gave Him the name that is above every name; that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord." So God says, "Yield your rights. Lay it all down." Those who humble themselves, God says He will lift them up.
Are there some rights that you're clinging to? Maybe those rights are being violated, and you find yourself getting angry. Your husband, your children, your roommate, your employer--they're not treating you as you feel you have a right to be treated. Would you be willing to acknowledge to the Lord, "I've been believing a lie. I've been claiming rights for myself. It's putting me in bondage." Then would you be willing to counter that lie with the truth and say, "Oh, God, all I deserve is hell. Anything I have better than that is of Your grace. I'm going to lay down my rights. I'm going to yield them up to You. I'm going to let You bring into my life that which you know is good and right for me. I accept with gratitude whatever You give to me and refuse to let myself be controlled by clinging to my own rights."
Lorrie Flem has been honored to be the happy rib of Randy for 20 years. They make their home in Maple Valley, Washington until they reach the mansion Jesus is preparing for them. She considers it a privilege to be a stay-at-home homeschooling mom to their always precious and often precocious eight children.
Lorrie has always been prone to talk and as a result she has written a number of books, is the publisher of TEACH Magazine, a FREE bi-monthly ezine, and speaks nationally at conferences, retreats, and teas. Lorrie is known for her humorous and gentle words of encouragement to other keepers of the home. See her and get a sample of TEACH – The Magazine that Puts the Home in Homeschooling – For Mothers of Today with Yesterday’s Values, at www.TEACHmagazine.com.
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