By Jennifer Steward
Josh Harris is most know today for authoring several books on the subject of relationships, but I can say “I knew Josh when …”
I knew Josh when he was a young man in his late tens with budding interests in many areas and one area was dabbling in art a bit. Josh was doing cartoons and pictures on several projects his dad, Gregg Harris, was publishing. One of those projects was a chore system our family developed called The Choreganizer! Another interest (or “call”) in Josh’s life was publishing a magazine for teens called New Attitude and I had at least a couple of teens in my home who subscribed to the magazine. One thing led to another and before we knew it we were hosting New Attitude conferences in our area!
We have seen the Lord worked mightily in Josh’s life and count it a privilege to work with and to know such a willing and gifted servant of the Kingdom. One thing that has always stood out to me is not so much the topic of Josh’s message, but the bottom line which has always been to love Christ and live a life of purpose, seeking Him—not pursuing selfish desires. When I made this comment to Josh he agreed, saying, “Yes, my core message is bigger than dating.”
When TOS asked me if I would interview Josh about his new book, Not Even a Hint, I was delighted because I got to witness that “bottom line” once again. So let’s get started!
TOS: Josh, your first two books, I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl address issues about relationships. What motivated you to write this book?
Josh: Well, my pastor asked me to give a message on lust at a conference for men. This was the first time I ever spoke on lust and so while I was preparing I remember praying and just being overwhelmed. I found myself just weeping for all of God’s people who were enslaved by lust. I thought God would really use the message, and He did. The response was amazing. Realizing what a serious need and issue this is for men and women, my pastor said I should write a book.
TOS: So, how did you come up with the name for this book?
Josh: The title was hard because the publisher thought this would be a “brown bag book,” one that people would be afraid to be seen with and read it in hiding. Then as I was praying about the title, I was reciting Ephesians 5:3. “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.” The title reminds me of a standard I can only reach with God’s power.
TOS: Well, Josh, speaking of standards, if God made us with a sexual nature and drive, why is His standard so high?
Josh: Part of that is He wants to protect us from destruction. We have the wrong view of sin. We should look at it as a poison that will destroy us. God’s standards reflect as an expression of His care and holiness. He is completely righteous. He wants to protect the wonderful gift of sexual intimacy within marriage. We should be motivated by His holiness on who God is, not just that couples are saving themselves for marriage.
TOS: Through reading your book it is apparent that it is written to Christians. Although anyone could benefit, obviously Christians aren’t exempt from dealing with lust.
Josh: When Paul writes in Ephesians 5:3, he is writing to Christians. He is not assuming that they are indulging in sin but he is AWARE of our human nature. We need to be humble ourselves. We are the ones who have been compromising and sinning in these ways.
TOS: In your book you sort of define lust as “… an unholy desire for the forbidden.”
Josh: Yes, exactly. Lust is craving sexually what God has forbidden. It encompasses many different things: pornography, ungodly fantasy, reading romance novels, looking and lusting and wanting—even if only in our imaginations. The key thing is the definition in relationship to what God thinks about appropriate sexual desires.
TOS: There’s a part in your book where you talk about embracing our own sexuality in order to help fight lust. What do you mean by that?
Josh: I explain how God made us with a sexual nature. We need to understand that there’s nothing wrong with having sexual desires. The danger is when we don’t take it to God. We could end up angry and frustrated if we don’t understand. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating or being attracted to someone, BUT it would be lust to undress them with our eyes. Lust is the enemy, NOT the sexual desire.
TOS: Josh, you talk about the importance of having the right source of power to change—the power of the gospel AND the right motives for fighting sin—motives of grace. You tell us we cannot overcome lust by trying to save ourselves with a list of rules. Can you expound?
Josh: A lot of Christians think, “We’re better than this and we just need to exercise some willpower.” Our own strength isn’t going to be enough. We find ourselves trapped in an endless cycle of failure. We can be very “works”-oriented dealing with the behavior instead of the heart. What we need is the power of the gospel at work in a person’s life, changing them from the inside.
TOS: In chapter 9 you identified so well the LIES and then refuted each one with Scripture. I loved this statement: “Lust tells you lies. The truth sets you free.”
Josh: That’s one of my favorite chapters. It is so good to get Scripture into my head. Lust comes with a promise—it’s not going to tell us how miserable we will be. The only thing we can fight false promises with is the true promises of God’s Word. It promises the true joy and pleasure that comes with obeying God. Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”
TOS: Would you say there is a target age for your readers?
Josh: It really varies based on where a young person is. Of course the content would be good for any adult, but it really varies based on where a young person is and what their parents have talked to them about. Sadly, there are 11- and 12-year-olds who are facing these issues, while there are some 15-year-olds who wouldn’t have a clue. I wanted to address the issue of lust straightforwardly, openly, and honestly, without painting an image or being too graphic, BUT I wanted it to be rated PG. I really encourage parents to get the book and read it. This education needs to come from them. Also I would say for parents to definitely second-guess themselves and recognize the deceitfulness that is in your child’s heart. Start dialoging with your child so they can come to you and discuss these areas.
TOS: Josh, you have addressed some issues in your book that most people are uncomfortable with. Thanks for being bold enough to talk about such important areas that many are hesitant to talk about.
Josh: I think one of the most important things to understand is to get beyond the act and get into the heart. We need to examine and ask ourselves honestly, “What is the soil of our heart that this (lust and its practices) grows out of?” The focus should be to know “What is my disposition about sex and about my pleasure?” I pray the Lord will use this book to help draw readers to a closer walk with Him and to really see His holiness. If we truly come to see His holiness, so much of what we do and say and think would be different. Thanks, Jennifer!
Joshua Harris is the son of Gregg and Sono Harris and was homeschooled his whole life. Joshua has become a popular speaker and author, particularly with teens and young adults. Josh also founded the New Attitude ministry, which has annual conferences for college students and singles. Josh, along with his wife, Shannon, and their two children, resides in Maryland, where he is the executive pastor of Covenant Life Church.
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