You don't know me yet, but I'm going to confess something to you. It may shock you, but this is without question the hands-down, no-doubt-about-it, 100-percent-true-blue, most challenging, frustrating, expensive, and downright exhausting aspect of homeschooling for our whole family. And what's worse is that there are few people in our daily lives who have experienced or can even sympathize with our struggle.

First, let me say that we love homeschooling. It would be difficult to imagine a lifestyle that fit our personalities more, or that provided our children-and us-with a better education, or that just plain felt so right. So what, you ask, could make our homeschooling experience so difficult? Well, you see, we have two gifted children.

Oh, brother, you might be saying. Really big problem, there. Woo-hoo. Gosh, can't imagine how you manage that one. Must be tough teaching bright kids, huh?

Or maybe you're saying, You probably push them too hard and expect too much. I'll bet you sacrifice too many other important things and spend all your time and money giving your children all sorts of extra opportunities. They've been exposed to a lot, so of course they know a lot.

Well, dear, you may be saying, of course you have gifted children. All children are gifted.

While I've heard every one of these responses, and many more besides, none of them is particularly fair or even accurate. And before you accuse me of excessive pride, I hope you'll hear me out.

You see, it isn't fair or accurate to see our children-or any gifted child-as merely intelligent, although they are that. Of course, as responsible parents, we work diligently to provide them with appropriate materials, resources, and supplies. Yes, we seek out enrichment opportunities and appropriate mentorships. And above all, we think and pray long and hard about the needs of our children and what is best for them. Frankly, I'd like to believe that all of us on the homeschool journey do the same.

As the parents of gifted children, we choose the destination, but we are certainly not driving the train. Instead, we often find ourselves clinging to the caboose for dear life while the engine speeds along down its chosen track. And that, friends, is one issue that makes homeschooling the gifted child so extraordinarily different and difficult.

A few years ago, at our state convention for home educators, I attended a session on teaching the special-needs child, hoping to come away refreshed and renewed, with a deeper understanding of what teaching my two gifted children well would entail. Instead, I came away more frustrated than before.

No, that's not true. I left positively incensed.

The problem was the workshop leader's statement, "Of course, if you have a gifted child, you've got it easy. It's not exactly a problem to have a quick learner."

Excuse me?

So let me ask you, what's so easy about having a daughter who taught herself to read at age 2 and by the age of 5 reads at a ninth grade level? What reading material should you offer her that will be challenging enough to allow her to continue to grow as a reader, but not too thematically mature, since no 5-year-old child should be saddled with knowledge of the Holocaust, for example?

What's easy about a 7-year-old who demonstrates mastery of three years of mathematics-not because you've taught him but because he has somehow intuited how it all works? Who begins eighth grade math at age 8? Is there such a thing as moving too fast? Will you leave crucial gaps in his knowledge? What can any home educator do with a child who will probably be ready for college math at age 10?

Far from fodder for bragging rights, these are the challenges which parents of the gifted struggle with day in and day out. The issues are as real and valid as any other challenge in home education. But we've learned to suffer in silence because most special-needs support exists for those at the other end of the continuum, in practical help and encouragement as well as in public opinion. And let's face it, it's much easier to empathize with parents of children with learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder, dyslexia, or deafness than it is with parents of children who work five years or more above the norm in math, or music, or language.

Even asking for advice or help or even sympathy sounds suspiciously like bragging, as if our true motive in seeking help or even mentioning our gifted children at all is to attempt to "win" at some imagined contest of Whose-Child-Is-the-Smartest-and-Therefore-Most-Worthy-of-All?

This imaginary contest exists as a syndrome that causes parents to work to get their kids into talented and gifted programs in the schools. Ever notice how most kids identified as "talented and gifted" by the public schools live in primarily white, affluent places?

Gifted does not mean better, despite the fact that it sounds like something tied up in pretty paper and a fancy bow and bestowed upon the deserving. It seems to me that our terminology is the main problem. The label of "gifted" brings with it so many connotations that lead to false perceptions of these children and those of us who are educating them. It does not necessarily mean quick learners or advanced thinkers, although these qualities are often found in gifted people.

(But let's not forget that oftentimes giftedness goes hand-in-hand with learning disabilities or difficulties. Not all gifted children stand out as obviously exceeding the norm. Albert Einstein didn't speak until the age of 4. Thomas Edison was plagued with early learning difficulties and dyslexia. His music teacher wrote off Ludwig von Beethoven as a hopeless composer. Walt Disney was fired because his ideas were worthless. The list goes on.)

The fact is that not all children are gifted. All children are unique, wonderful, special, and loved creations of God. But they are not all gifted any more than all children are dyslexic or overweight or blond or athletic.

Gifted is a clinical term for a very real condition-with a companion host of intellectual, emotional, and character issues-found in two to five percent of the population, whose needs are both quantitatively and qualitatively different from the other 95 to 98 percent. People don't suddenly "become" gifted one day after overcoming early difficulties. Nor can children be "made" gifted by parents who strive to provide plenty of opportunities for enrichment and exposure. And to further complicate the matter, gifted children are also different from each other in almost every conceivable way, making it hard to categorize them at all.

No matter the particular way giftedness manifests itself, the one characteristic all gifted children seem to share is that of intensity. They are intensely interested in aviation; they are intensely sorrowful over a dead caterpillar; they are intensely engrossed in a novel; they are intensely working on an art project. These are extreme children.

Nowhere is this more evident than in working with a gifted child's asynchronous development. This can take one of two forms. First, there is uneven intellectual ability, in which an 8-year-old may be adept at algebra but can barely read a kindergarten sight word list. In another example, a child may be five years advanced in reading, and two years advanced in math. That child will experience his or her math skill as a deficit, an area of difficulty. This spirals into self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness that are very difficult to overcome. Sometimes it is expected that the child will succeed in all ways because success comes so easily in certain areas. Either the parent or the child can be guilty of this false thinking. This sets the child up for unnecessary disappointment and heartache.

The second form of asynchronous development is when any combination of a child's physical, intellectual, social, or emotional characteristics are wildly uneven. An obvious example is when a child of 10 or 12 goes off to college, which happens regularly if not often. The child is clearly intellectually ready for higher education, but the other characteristics can't even come close to the same rate of development. Sometimes it's necessary to handle a gifted child's needs in an extreme way, but it shouldn't ever be done lightly.

The bottom line is that all children benefit from and deserve enrichment activities and experiences. Bright children benefit from and deserve acceleration. But gifted children may need a completely different learning environment, or mentorships, or rapid acceleration and compacting, or all of the above. The key is a truly individualized education, based entirely on the needs and abilities of the child.

Think of it this way. Many people would agree that music instruction is a valuable and even necessary part of a quality education. But should all children, regardless of interest, aptitude, or natural talent, practice the piano several hours a day, take expensive private lessons three times a week, join junior symphonies, and travel to perform in competitions? Of course not. But we would expect the musically gifted to do these things, wouldn't we? Not to develop an ability but as a consequence of that ability. On the flip side, would we withhold these opportunities from a musically gifted child because such opportunities might make them an even better musician, and consequently more different? Such a notion is also ludicrous. Yet that's exactly what the world tries to tell us to do in educating our gifted children.

Our dear Lord gave us these children because, in His infinite wisdom, He knew we were the right parents for them. My doctrine may be showing, but don't we all, no matter our philosophies, homeschool at least in part because we are convinced a truly individualized education is the best education? In fact, when it comes to educating the gifted, a truly individualized curriculum is not just a good idea, it's an absolute imperative.

Helene Barker Kiser lives and learns with her husband, children, and assorted animals in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Her writing has appeared in dozens of journals, books, and online sources.