My daughter, Alyssa, is 10 years old now and in the fourth grade. Alyssa really loves to learn, is naturally curious, and has a very sensitive, caring disposition. When Alyssa started school, problems began almost immediately and have increased every year. She had trouble with schoolwork, which we later discovered was a result of learning disabilities and ADD. Her difficulties in her schoolwork caused her to lose confidence so that she did not socialize well. She lost her spark, her love of learning. For years I was dismayed to watch school chip away piece after piece of my curious, bright, and confident daughter.

Thomas is my 4-year-old. He is supposed to start kindergarten in the fall. Thomas is very much like Alyssa—very bright and curious as well as sensitive and caring. A year ago I realized that I just could not subject Thomas to the same treatment that Alyssa was receiving in school.

I began discussing my idea with my husband—the very best, most supportive husband in the world! He knew that I had often thought about homeschooling Alyssa, but at that point we had three children at home age 3 and under. It seemed it would be impossible for me to juggle all of my responsibilities and give Alyssa the education she needed. Mark was also worried that I would break down from too much stress. But in a year, when Thomas was ready for school, the little ones would be more self-sufficient. I asked Mark to allow me to research the options. He agreed, and my journey began.

I began to research. I subscribed to The Old Schoolhouse immediately. I logged on to every message board, blog, and informational website that I could find and asked tons of questions. I went to the library but found little information about homeschooling. I wrote letters to try to change that. I began to use terms such as “unschooling,” “curriculum,” and “letter of intent.” I started to bombard my husband with information. The nights I received my issue of The Old Schoolhouse usually left his head spinning. I shared homeschool projects with the kids as if we were really homeschooling just to see how they would respond. When I tried an activity with Alyssa, her eyes lit up and her spark came back. She wanted to be involved in the process with me. She is excited about learning from home— and it has been a very long time since she was excited about anything schoolrelated. This past year has been very exciting for all of us as we have discovered homeschooling.

As wonderful as this journey has been so far, there have also been roadblocks. The first major one was me: my lack of faith in my ability to school my children, my own fears and self-doubt. I did not even realize that it was my own fear keeping me from the decision until the Lord began dealing with me on these issues. He has taken me through a year of personal change to strengthen my faith, and I am now realizing that, as always, His timing is not my timing and His way is the only way. I am now mentally, physically, and spiritually better prepared for the homeschooling journey ahead.

Another problem the Lord had to deal with was my desire for the approval of others. Whenever I mentioned homeschooling to my mother, my sister, or my friends, I received negative feedback. And I would really get upset. I wanted them to like my idea and agree that it was best for my family. As I researched and learned, I shared the positive information I was learning in hopes of changing their minds. Time after time, I would share an article or a study about the benefits of homeschooling and be shot down. I would describe how well Thomas was learning or how receptive Alyssa was to a new homeschool project I tried, and I would receive negativity. There was always the “That’s great, but …” comment. I constantly sought their opinions and allowed their negativity to creep into my mind. I would tell myself, “You aren’t even a teacher” or “What about socialization? Do you want your kids to become introverts?”

Thankfully, the Lord forced me to press forward and continue reading and researching. I would again read an article or experience something that reminded me why I wanted to homeschool. And I knew that I was on the right path. It took me a year to realize that I could homeschool without anyone’s approval— except, of course, for my husband’s and God’s, and I already had that. I had been seeking approval for everything, not just homeschooling, and it was time to stop. I learned to stop trying to be everything to everyone. One of my husband’s favorite expressions is “circle the wagons.” He says this often to remind me that my family and my faith come first. Everyone else’s opinions can be valued but do not have to be followed. I have to do what is right in my own home and leave everything else outside.

The journey to homeschooling also helped me really listen to God and rely on my faith. Now, when I am faced with a difficult situation, I force myself to be still and listen. And often I hear one word: trust. Trust is something that I have struggled with my whole life. I have had to learn to pray and just trust that the Lord will be there no matter what. The word trust also reminds me that I entrusted my daughter’s education to others and have been disappointed. I know my children, and I trust that God has placed them in my care for a purpose. I trust that His way is the right way for my family. I no longer question His reasons or His timing. I trust that He is there for me, that He is guiding my family, and that He will give me the strength for this wonderful journey into homeschooling.

As I write this, I am renewing my subscription to The Old Schoolhouse. After a year of feeling like an outsider, I have finally allowed myself to feel a part of a much larger family. My family will be joining so many other families who “circle the wagons” and trust that they are following God and doing what is truly best for their children.

Donna Nordone Heaney lives in the beautiful Hudson Valley of New York and is proud to be wife to Mark and mommy to Alyssa, Thomas, Marky, and Meghan. She has been an advocate for abused women and children and domestic violence issues for over 10 years. An avid writer and reader, she has written numerous articles on topics close to her heart, such as adoption. Donna welcomes email at donnaheaney@optonline.net.