It is with deep sorrow that we share the news of the passing of Melissa “Missey” Gray. Missey died March 1, 2006, while giving birth to her fifth child. She was the beloved wife of Tom and mother to Samantha (11), Susan (8), Natalie (5), Nathan (2), and newborn Melissa Kate, named in honor of her mother. Melissa Kate was born weighing 5 lbs. 1 oz. and is doing very well. The Grays reside in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

Growing up, Missey was an unlikely candidate for the title of wife and mother. Initially, she adopted some of the more feminist ideas and ways. She was determined never to allow a man to tell her what to do, and she believed children were “nasty.” Raised in the Deep South, she had dreams of living the cosmopolitan life of a writer on the East Coast. Thankfully, her feminist notions were dispelled as Christ began to work in her heart. Her grandmother was instrumental in encouraging her to live the life of a believer, seeking God’s ways above her own. She attended Henderson State University and was proud of the fact that she was the first in her family to graduate. She also left college with a commitment to marry a fellow student named Tom Gray. When she accepted his proposal, she abandoned for good the East Coast and the foolishness of feminism. But what she didn’t know then was that she would not have to give up her dream of becoming a writer. God had a plan to use her ability to communicate and touch many lives in a way she could never have imagined as a young Southern girl. However, it would be temporarily placed on hold as the Lord quickly added to their quiver.

Embracing her biblical role in the home, she devoted herself to being the best wife possible to Tom. She never spoke a negative word about him to anyone. She loved him and wanted her heart and home to be a place of refuge for him. He cherishes the willingness she showed to honor him as head of their home. “The more Missey practiced submission, the more she became my equal,” he says. He reciprocated in an equal measure of love and devotion. If the children were giving her a hard time he would quickly correct them, saying, “Don’t you be treating my sweetie that way.” That made Missey smile and work even harder to find ways to honor and serve him.

Missey viewed each of her children as a Christmas gift from God. She considered it a delight and privilege to care for God’s littlest treasures. That included the calling to teach and train their children at home. The statement at the top of Missey’s blog (Heartschooling) tells exactly what motivated her to homeschool. “A mother’s heart is a child’s schoolroom.” She sought out the best books and materials for her children. That led her to discover the writings of Ruth Beechick. The Beechick philosophy put into words how Missey desired to teach her children. She loved literature and read to her children daily. The children’s copywork was taken directly from passages in the Bible. The Beechick method also allowed them learn together as a family and build a strong family bond. She had the gift of organization and administration, which allowed her to maintain order despite a more relaxed learning method. But recently Missey began to train her older daughters toward more independent study. She still schooled the “Beechick way,” but with the idea that the children should become increasingly self-directed. Missey always planned and scheduled ahead. It now seems that she began preparing her children for what was to come, even though she couldn’t have known how soon that day would actually arrive.

Despite the many potential distractions of a homeschooling mom, Missey never lost sight of what was truly important. Writing to a friend in an email, she outlined her priorities this way:

Balance is a very important issue to me and I constantly strive to keep all the important things in balance. But I also have priorities and sometimes something else will have to give if it is a lesser priority. Here are my priorities: 1. God 2. Family 3. Home 4. Business. God has called me to minister to my family first. Once my children are grown, then there will be opportunities and time for ministering to people in other ways.

In a lighthearted moment, Tom shared that “The good Lord must have needed someone to do a little organizing in heaven. So He promoted her up to the next level to fill the need.”

Missey was soft-spoken in person but passionate when she shared her ideas on family life and homeschooling. She dabbled in learning about other methods of education, such as Charlotte Mason. She also followed the curriculum of Ambleside Online. However, she always came back to Ruth Beechick. Her interest in sharing the Beechick philosophy with others led her to start a few Yahoo user groups. In an email she said:

I believe that He has called me to spread the news about Ruth Beechick to other homeschooling moms out there because her ideas can really help moms get a good perspective on homeschooling and not stress out and burn out in this area of their lives.

Her first Yahoo user group, Early Education at Home, was a wealth of wisdom and information for many homeschool moms. Missey had the gift of taking complex ideas and making them understandable and practical to everyday homeschool moms.

Out of that group Missey formed another popular Yahoo group, Basically Beechick. Missey moderated this one also. The group has since grown to over 1,000 users. The daily exchange of ideas has become a network of support for many homeschool mothers. Missey was a wealth of knowledge and was always willing to share her ideas with others. She would answer all private emails that asked for help. From those emails she developed a close relationship with four special women, Loa Sholder, Darla Bielfeldt, Krystal Bickel, and Greta (Lea) Shadburn. Although they were miles apart, they called their group “Back Fence Friends.” They emailed and shared family life with each other daily. Here’s how two of the ladies remembered Missey:

Missey taught me that friends never have to meet in real life in order to inspire, teach and encourage each other. She also taught me, through her example, how to be a better wife and mother. —Darla Bielfeldt

I met Missey in August 2001 when I joined her Basically Beechick list. I immediately recognized her gift for helping other people and sharing her knowledge. She was a consummate reader and was always ready to share her latest nugget of wisdom. She often created wonderful reviews, lists, and other tools to share with others in the homeschooling community. —Loa Sholder

Faithful to her dream of becoming a writer, Missey has written volumes in online communications. Tom often joked that she should write a book and then he’d be able to retire early. She did have plans to write one about homeschooling eventually. But she believed that day would come after her job as mother was complete. Tom is very thankful for the time she devoted to writing. Her thoughts on being a godly wife and mother will be the road map he uses to guide his daughters toward biblical womanhood.

The world is definitely getting smaller. The Internet spread the news of Missey’s death quickly throughout the world. Many have now been introduced to homeschooling the “Beechick way” and joined the user group. Even more women than Missey ever dreamed possible have been touched by what she has written on her blog and in correspondence with other mothers.

Quilts are being sewn for each child by women who have been affected by Missey’s life but never met her in person. The family is overwhelmed at the outpouring of generosity from so many around the country. Tom would like to express his gratitude to all who have sent notes and helped in a various ways. “Duct tape doesn’t fix a broken heart, but your kindness to our family has truly been the glue that is putting our hearts back together again.”

He wishes he could respond to each one personally but admits he’s not very computer literate. He left that to Missey. In fact, some husbands may get a little frustrated with a wife who uses some of her time to encourage other women online. Not Tom. He said he’d occasionally read some of the comments from others about how much Missey helped them, and it made him so proud of her. He said he’d always wanted to take those letters and show them to the guys he worked with and tell them, “See, this is the woman I married! Isn’t she wonderful?!!”

If you would like the help the Grays, you can contact them through this address: